{"id":1291,"date":"2020-04-26T06:26:39","date_gmt":"2020-04-26T05:26:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/towncryyers.com\/?p=1291"},"modified":"2020-04-26T06:26:43","modified_gmt":"2020-04-26T05:26:43","slug":"how-to-divide-household-chores-without-hating-your-partner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/towncryyers.com\/index.php\/2020\/04\/26\/how-to-divide-household-chores-without-hating-your-partner\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Divide Household Chores Without Hating Your Partner"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Prioritize. Communicate. Don’t forget to show your\ngratitude.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
By Tiffani Sherman at The Riveter<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Working is stressful. Home life is stressful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
An uneven balance of household workload between you and a\nspouse or partner can cause resentment and additional tension.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are some creative ways to divide up those household\nchores and help create harmony in the home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How do we divide household chores?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
According to the Pew Research Center, a November 2016\nresearch study of heterosexual couples showed 56% of couples said sharing\nhousehold chores is important in their marriages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another Pew survey of 1,807 American parents showed about\nhalf said they split household chores evenly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The survey also showed:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
41% say the mother does more household chores.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
8% say the father does more household chores.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In households where both partners work full-time, 59% said\nchores are about equal, 31% say the mother does more, and 9% say the father\ndoes more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Two kinds of labor<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are two kinds of labor in a household, physical and\nmental.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Physical labor involves things like taking out the trash,\nfolding laundry, washing dishes. Mental labor involves cognitive energy for things\nlike keeping an eye on the kids to make sure they\u2019re safe, putting laundry\ndetergent on the shopping list to make sure you don\u2019t run out, and making\npacking lists to prepare for a vacation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s exhausting. Think about how many things you are juggling\nin your mind,\u201d says Suniya Luthar, foundation professor of psychology at\nArizona State University and senior author of a study of how the division of\nlabor impacts a woman\u2019s well-being. \u201cThere\u2019s research showing that multitasking\nis not good for productivity or for mental health and mothers are multitasking\nconstantly.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Luthar and her research partner Lucia Ciciolla published a\nstudy of 393 American women with children younger than 18 who were either\nmarried or in a committed heterosexual relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They found:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
A majority of women reported they alone had the\nresponsibility for maintaining household routines.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A shared responsibility for keeping the household\u2019s\nfinances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Women who feel overly responsible are less satisfied with\ntheir lives and partnerships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI said to someone the other day, you know it\u2019s not just\nthat it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to support the\nmother, as she\u2019s raising a child,\u201d Luthar says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How to divide responsibilities<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are some creative ways to divide household\nresponsibilities so the time at home after work can be akin to a peaceful\nretreat rather than to a battle zone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Talking about expectations can help divide responsibilities,\nand picking times for your conversations is important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTry to have the conversation when nobody\u2019s cranky or tired\nor stressed. Try and schedule it for a time when everybody\u2019s in a reasonable state\nof mind,\u201d Luthar says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She also advises:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
Avoiding \u201cyou\u201d words, use \u201cI\u201d words to describe feelings\ninstead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t assign blame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t dredge up the past.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cJust say look, you know, we need to talk about how many\nhours I\u2019m spending on household stuff and how many hours you are, and can we\ncome to some [decisions about] what\u2019s next,\u201d Luthar suggests.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
During these discussions, talk about what your household was\nlike growing up. It might help you better understand your partner. If they grew\nup with a mother doing everything around the house and for the family, they\u2019re\nmore likely to repeat this behavior. People have a tendency to fall back on\nwhat they know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDo the best you can to explain what your sentiments are and\nwhy you feel and how you feel and so on,\u201d Luthar advises. \u201cBut understand that\nthere may be a point where he just will not get the intricacies and nuances\nthat you\u2019re trying to convey.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t play games. If you\u2019re purposely not cleaning up the\nbathroom hoping your partner will notice it is getting nasty and clean it\nthemselves, chances are you are setting yourself up for disappointment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Discussing the days ahead on a weekly basis could help\nidentify potential pitfalls. If one person has a really busy week at work,\noffering to take over a few chores might help keep the peace later on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The weekly meetings are also the time to bring up any\nproblems that happened the previous week instead of nagging all along the way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Analyze tasks<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Figure out all of the tasks that need to be done. Decide\nwhich are essential and which are optional. This will help you set priorities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some tasks to consider:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Meal planning<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Grocery shopping<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shopping for household essentials<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Meal preparation<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dusting<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cleaning toilets<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Doing dishes<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Making beds<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mowing the lawn and yard maintenance<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Putting children to sleep<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Paying bills<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Laundry (doing the laundry, folding it, putting it away)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Taking out trash<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Carpool<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Homework checking<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Monitoring while children play<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Setting up play dates<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Vacation\/ weekend planning<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cleaning floors<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
While discussing tasks, talk about which tasks you hate the\nmost. Maybe your partner doesn\u2019t mind this one can tolerate it better than you\ncan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Reevaluate divided responsibilities periodically. Priorities\nmight have changed or some tasks might have become more or less difficult over\ntime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Involve the kids<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
If there are children in the house, they can take part in\ndoing some of the chores in an age-appropriate way. Involving them will not\nonly reduce the load on you and your spouse, but it will also teach them that\nresponsibility and that chores are expected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Since people model what they learned as children, this could\nhelp them in their own relationships down the road.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Time management<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pick a good time for chores and set limits. Deciding you\nwant to fold all of the laundry when your partner just wants to go to sleep in\nthe bedroom might not be a good idea. Be considerate of the other\u2019s time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If it\u2019s not your chore, don\u2019t worry about it<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t be a gatekeeper and check up on your partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Correcting a technique, redoing it after or constantly\nnagging will only push the person further away from wanting to complete the\ntask. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019re one of those people who must have the towels\nfolded a certain way or you will go nuts, make sure towel folding is one of\nyour chores.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Appreciate each other<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
A simple thank you goes a long way. Even if a certain task\nis on the other\u2019s list, showing you value your partner\u2019s contributions makes a\ndifference. Everyone likes to be appreciated. Don\u2019t underestimate the power of\npositive reinforcement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eliminate what you can<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you two aren\u2019t into housework and can afford it, pay for\na house cleaner or someone to do other chores. Don\u2019t have any guilt about it.\nIt\u2019s help for both of you, not just one of you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s also important to cut yourself some slack. A 50-50\nsplit of household chores isn\u2019t always realistic since things always shift and\nchange.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Be careful not to compare yourself to other couples. Even if\nyour friend always posts how her husband happily folds the laundry, they might\nfight about putting it away. You don\u2019t know what happens behind closed doors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Originally published on The Riveter.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Prioritize. Communicate. Don’t forget to show your gratitude. By Tiffani Sherman at The Riveter Working is stressful. Home life is stressful. An uneven balance of household workload between you and a spouse or partner can…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1292,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[10],"tags":[329],"class_list":["post-1291","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health","tag-household-chores"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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