{"id":1908,"date":"2020-06-14T23:26:39","date_gmt":"2020-06-14T22:26:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/towncryyers.com\/?p=1908"},"modified":"2020-06-14T23:26:43","modified_gmt":"2020-06-14T22:26:43","slug":"a-psychologist-explains-what-too-many-people-get-wrong-about-parenting-from-the-start","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/towncryyers.com\/index.php\/2020\/06\/14\/a-psychologist-explains-what-too-many-people-get-wrong-about-parenting-from-the-start\/","title":{"rendered":"A Psychologist Explains What Too Many People Get Wrong About Parenting From The Start"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>It&#8217;s hard for many parents to understand.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">By Shana Lebowitz at Business Insider<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If you\u2019re not ready to sacrifice time, energy, and a little bit of dignity, you\u2019re not ready to have a kid.&nbsp; Most people know that, simply from observing the way their friends\u2019 lives change when they have children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What\u2019s harder to accept is that you shouldn\u2019t sacrifice all your time, energy, and dignity when you become a parent. It\u2019s a common mistake many first-time parents make, says Carl Pickhardt, a psychologist who\u2019s published multiple books about parenting, including, most recently, \u201cSurviving Your Child\u2019s Adolescence.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Here\u2019s Pickhardt\u2019s view:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"804\" height=\"520\" data-attachment-id=\"1911\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/towncryyers.com\/index.php\/2020\/06\/14\/a-psychologist-explains-what-too-many-people-get-wrong-about-parenting-from-the-start\/stressed-mom-work-from-home-stock-photo\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/towncryyers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/stressed-mom-work-from-home-stock-photo.jpg?fit=804%2C520&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"804,520\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"stressed-mom-work-from-home-stock-photo\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/towncryyers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/stressed-mom-work-from-home-stock-photo.jpg?fit=300%2C194&amp;ssl=1\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/towncryyers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/stressed-mom-work-from-home-stock-photo.jpg?fit=804%2C520&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/towncryyers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/stressed-mom-work-from-home-stock-photo.jpg?resize=804%2C520&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1911\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/towncryyers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/stressed-mom-work-from-home-stock-photo.jpg?w=804&amp;ssl=1 804w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/towncryyers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/stressed-mom-work-from-home-stock-photo.jpg?resize=300%2C194&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/towncryyers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/stressed-mom-work-from-home-stock-photo.jpg?resize=768%2C497&amp;ssl=1 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 804px) 100vw, 804px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cIt\u2019s really hard for parents to understand this sometimes \u2014 particularly with a first child \u2014 but that child is a third-order priority.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThey will tell you it\u2019s not true \u2014 it\u2019s a first-order priority. But the problem is if it\u2019s the first priority, then two other priorities get neglected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cOne is each parent taking adequate care of themselves, so they have sufficient energy and care available, and [the other is] taking sufficient care of the marriage. And that has to be in place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cTo sacrifice self-care and marriage for the sake of the child makes everybody unhappy sooner or later.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If you\u2019re a single parent, the same logic applies \u2014 you still need to invest in your friendships and other relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1200\" height=\"800\" data-attachment-id=\"1910\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/towncryyers.com\/index.php\/2020\/06\/14\/a-psychologist-explains-what-too-many-people-get-wrong-about-parenting-from-the-start\/parenting-0-0\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/towncryyers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/parenting.0.0.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1200,800\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"parenting.0.0\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/towncryyers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/parenting.0.0.jpg?fit=300%2C200&amp;ssl=1\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/towncryyers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/parenting.0.0.jpg?fit=1024%2C683&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/towncryyers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/parenting.0.0.jpg?fit=1024%2C683&amp;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1910\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/towncryyers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/parenting.0.0.jpg?w=1200&amp;ssl=1 1200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/towncryyers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/parenting.0.0.jpg?resize=300%2C200&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/towncryyers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/parenting.0.0.jpg?resize=1024%2C683&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/towncryyers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/parenting.0.0.jpg?resize=768%2C512&amp;ssl=1 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What sometimes happens, Pickhardt said, is that parents self-sacrifice \u201cto the point where they feel the child is tyrannizing their lives.\u201d Then the parents wind up angry and resentful toward the kid, \u201cwho isn\u2019t doing anything, except declaring their wants in one way or another.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Writing on PsychologyToday.com, psychologist Laura Markham recommends that parents practice \u201cradical self-care.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That might mean taking a day off and leaving the dishes in the sink and the laundry unwashed. Or, it might mean taking little steps to address the problems in your life, rather than putting them on hold until your child\u2019s needs get met.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">At first, this might feel uncomfortable. \u201cParticularly with your first child, you just want to give all you got,\u201d Pickhardt said. If you can sit with that discomfort, eventually you may realize that you\u2019re a better parent when you\u2019ve attended to your own needs first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Originally published on Business Insider.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Parenting<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1909,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[10],"tags":[530,529,528],"class_list":["post-1908","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health","tag-children","tag-family","tag-parenting"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - 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