{"id":4995,"date":"2021-06-30T05:22:00","date_gmt":"2021-06-30T04:22:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/towncryyers.com\/?p=4995"},"modified":"2021-06-30T05:22:04","modified_gmt":"2021-06-30T04:22:04","slug":"the-art-and-science-of-noticing-others","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/towncryyers.com\/index.php\/2021\/06\/30\/the-art-and-science-of-noticing-others\/","title":{"rendered":"The Art And Science Of Noticing Others"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Research tells us there are powerful benefits to helping others feel seen.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

By Zach Mercurio, Ph.D., Purposeful leadership, meaningful work, and positive organizations researcher and author<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Consider the people who comprise your routines. Who do you need to notice more?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Noticing is the act of seeing someone\u2019s uniqueness and showing an interest in their full life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling noticed is the opposite of feeling invisible, the inverse of being forgotten. When others pay attention to us and remember us, our essential lives\u2019 hidden vividness and nuances become known.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Studies show that being seen is necessary to feel like we matter and promotes mental and emotional well-being, including a reduced risk for anxiety and depression. Social psychologists Morris Rosenburg and Claire McCullough wrote that feeling noticed is \u201cthe most elementary form of mattering.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet, it\u2019s the most fundamental human needs that we most often neglect. Or, as leadership educator Stephen Covey wrote, \u201ccommon sense is not always common practice.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Noticing others is not common practice.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In 2018, health insurer Cigna surveyed 20,000 Americans and found that 47 percent of respondents reported feeling \u201cforgotten.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Global surveys of workers find that 43 percent of employees feel \u201cinvisible.\u201d A study on over 66,000 students in grades six through 12 revealed that only half of the respondents think their teacher would care if they were absent. Just 46 percent of students said they felt valued at school.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Poet Elizabeth Alexander\u2019s question should level us: \u201cAre we not of interest to each other?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The distress and desperation caused by feeling unnoticed are well-documented. Psychologists find feeling unseen and unknown by others undercuts self-worth, motivation and can even predict depression.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the classic novel \u201cThe Invisible Man,\u201d Ralph Ellison compared feeling unnoticed to living in a hole, writing, \u201cI am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, think again about the people you see every day or every week.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you know their goals, vision, and dreams? Do you know their struggles? If so, have you checked in with them about how they\u2019re doing? Do you remember their full names?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you know who they rely on and who relies on them? Have you checked in on how their people are doing? Do you know their kids\u2019 or spouse\u2019s or partners\u2019 names? Do you know what they do when they\u2019re not working? Do you know their hobbies?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who do you unintentionally or intentionally refuse to see?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Noticing others is a skill, a practice, and should be a public and occupational health priority.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask About and Remember Personal Details<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What makes overlooking others so insidious is that it\u2019s easy to do, a habit born out of our increased individualism and decreased social connectedness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you know your postal worker\u2019s name? Do you know the name of your coworkers\u2019 kid, who you sometimes see in the background of that Zoom call?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For many, it\u2019s these tiny lapses of curiosity that add up to perpetual invisibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m certainly not immune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One recent afternoon, while facilitating a virtual workshop on, yes, mattering, I looked out my window. I saw my neighbor, with whom I\u2019ve interacted hundreds of times, walking outside to get his mail. He\u2019s retired. But at that moment, it embarrassingly struck me: I\u2019ve never asked him what he did before he retired; how he spent the 45 years before I started living a couple of hundred feet from him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After my realization, I asked myself, \u201cWhat else do I not know about others\u2019 lives?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For me, the answer turned out to be a lot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the most basic ways to help others feel noticed is to ask about, remember, and check-in on personal details.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Know people\u2019s full names. If you see a dog jump into someone\u2019s lap on a virtual call, don\u2019t just sit and stare; ask what the dog\u2019s name is. Learn what your delivery driver\u2019s family members\u2019 or friends\u2019 names are. Check-in on them when your next package comes. Find out how your coworker\u2019s family member is doing who was sick a few months ago.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Notice, remember, and check-in.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Show Your Interest in Others\u2019 Interests<\/p>\n\n\n\n

David was a 5-year old in Brooklyn, raised by a single mother who had many jobs to make ends meet. One of his favorite possessions was an ordinary deck of cards that he carried everywhere, including the local library.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One day, a librarian noticed him playing with a deck of cards and said, \u201cWe just got a self-working card trick book in. Do you want to learn something?\u201d The librarian showed him a simple card trick. That day, David\u2019s mom picked him up after work, and he showed her the trick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMy mom went crazy,\u201d David remembered as he recalled that critical moment on the Joe Rogan podcast 42 years later. \u201cThat began my love of wanting to learn tricks.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That 5-year old boy was David Blaine, now recognized as one of the greatest magicians ever to live.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Noticing others is also about showing an interest in and nurturing others\u2019 interests, regardless if those interests help you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That librarian noticed David Blaine playing with a deck of cards and remembered he liked cards. When a book came in that she thought he\u2019d be interested in, she remembered David. Then, she followed up and acted on her interest by teaching David that life-changing card trick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are countless stories of altered life trajectories because someone took an interest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I once worked with a team who loved their supervisor more than I\u2019d ever experienced. Her team would say things like, \u201cshe just gets me\u201d or \u201cshe always looks out for me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s tempting to say she was just a \u201cnatural leader\u201d and had relational strengths.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But when I asked her how she created that climate, she pulled out a tattered notebook. In it, she wrote down things she heard each of her team members talk about repeatedly in their conversations. She made it a conscious habit to bring up and talk about her people\u2019s interests regularly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Noticing others is a practice that\u2019s too important to be left to intuition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As you think about the people around you, how can you better show your interest? How can you show someone you remember what\u2019s important to them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember and Honor Others\u2019 Presence<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The antithesis to feeling seen is being forgotten.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Psychologists Laura King and Aaron Geise conducted two experiments with undergraduate women. In the first investigation, researchers asked the women to participate in a group activity in a lab setting and come back in two days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When they came back, the experimenter responded to certain women by saying, \u201cI don\u2019t remember you being here,\u201d or \u201cAre you sure you were here two days ago?\u201d Other women were overtly remembered or complimented by the facilitator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After controlling for numerous variables, the \u201cforgotten\u201d participants who experienced a moment of being invisible were found to feel a significantly lower sense of meaning in their overall lives and indicated lower self-esteem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The researchers concluded, \u201c\u2026the innocent act of forgetting another person can exact an existential cost.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember people. If someone misses a meeting, a class, or get together, tell them you noticed they weren\u2019t there and why you wish they were. Honor people\u2019s presence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think the most critical step forward as a society \u2014 in communities, organizations, and schools \u2014 is to become interested in each other again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Originally published at ThriveGlobal<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Research tells us there are powerful benefits to helping others feel seen. By Zach Mercurio, Ph.D., Purposeful leadership, meaningful work, and positive organizations researcher and author Consider the people who comprise your routines. Who do…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4996,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[10],"tags":[1537],"class_list":["post-4995","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health","tag-noticing-others"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Art And Science Of Noticing Others - Towncryyers<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/towncryyers.com\/index.php\/2021\/06\/30\/the-art-and-science-of-noticing-others\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Art And Science Of Noticing Others - Towncryyers\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Research tells us there are powerful benefits to helping others feel seen. 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