{"id":6477,"date":"2022-01-31T02:44:32","date_gmt":"2022-01-31T01:44:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/towncryyers.com\/?p=6477"},"modified":"2022-01-31T02:44:36","modified_gmt":"2022-01-31T01:44:36","slug":"why-is-it-hard-for-men-to-say-no-to-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/towncryyers.com\/index.php\/2022\/01\/31\/why-is-it-hard-for-men-to-say-no-to-sex\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Is It Hard For Men To Say No To Sex?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

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Saying no doesn\u2019t require a recall of a “Man Membership” card.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

By Lucia F. O’Sullivan Ph.D.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes men don\u2019t want sex. It’s a statement that is both radical and self-evident in equal measure. Yet the pressure on men to always want sex, or to accept or pursue any sexual opportunity that arises means that they often feel as if can\u2019t say \u201cno thanks, maybe another time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is difficult for men to say no to both casual and to established sexual partners. In relationships, saying no to one\u2019s partner can be difficult because of felt obligation to always respond sexually to a partner\u2019s advance, given a history of having done so before and heightened concerns about hurting a partner\u2019s feelings or causing tension and strain in one\u2019s relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Where does this pressure come from?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The standard heterosexual \u201cscript\u201d that guides much of our socialization around sex portrays men as the opportunistic sexual agents in their interactions with women\u2014pursuing, pushing, and pressuring for ever-higher levels of sexual intimacy. In contrast, women are portrayed as sexually reluctant, or \u201cgate-keepers,\u201d working to ensure that men\u2019s sexual access is limited until romantic commitment to the woman is assured.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can sense readers rolling their eyes, but it is shocking how this traditional script persists across time, cultures, and generations. A recent review1 of 70 highly popular television programs aimed at young adults across a wide range of streaming platforms, as well as broadcast and cable networks, revealed these themes are still dominant. Particularly notable were the following:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A theme reflecting what we call the “sexual double standard,” which reinforces messages that men\u2019s sexuality reflects their virility, while women\u2019s lack of sexuality reflects women\u2019s virtue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A theme centered on issues of commitment, and specifically the view that men are highly motivated to avoid and women are highly motivated to secure romantic commitment. These messages are reinforced in many other media, including music videos, pornography, and social media.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These differences are the scaffolding supporting power dynamics between sexual partners. These dynamics operate in many male couples\u2019 relationships as well. In many cases, gay and bisexual men report greater pressure than do heterosexual men to always be willing to have sex. There is power in being in the \u201cchooser\u201d position rather than the initiator, but overall, we value and support the notion that conflates masculinity with sexual interest and heavy pursuit of sexual opportunities\u2014adding to the pressure to say \u201cyes,\u201d even when a man, like any other person, just wants to finish this show, play one more game, get on with his job, or read his book uninterrupted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Research shows that:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n