{"id":8547,"date":"2023-12-11T13:54:44","date_gmt":"2023-12-11T12:54:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/towncryyers.com\/?p=8547"},"modified":"2023-12-11T14:27:22","modified_gmt":"2023-12-11T13:27:22","slug":"is-the-way-we-parent-normal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/towncryyers.com\/index.php\/2023\/12\/11\/is-the-way-we-parent-normal\/","title":{"rendered":"Is the Way We Parent Normal?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

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Why it may be time to question common parenting practices.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

By Anita Schmalor Ph.D.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you ever wonder if it is normal as a parent to be completely tired and exhausted by the end of the week? Or the day? Do you ever wonder if it is normal to do most of the parenting by yourself? Have you felt guilty for not enjoying every moment of parenthood more? Do you ever question whether your approach to parenting is right? Have you ever given in to the pressure or expectations of others, even when they contradicted your own intuition?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you answered \u2018yes\u2019 to any of these questions, you are not alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have told my daughter to sit down at the table because of a look I saw on my father\u2019s face. I have worried that not interfering more would leave her spoiled. I have felt overwhelmed as a parent. And I felt shame for feeling overwhelmed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The mainstream view on parenting in our culture emphasizes the importance of teaching children \u201cgood\u201d behavior through punishment and reward. It assumes that the best way for children to learn to regulate their emotions is by discouraging or denying them. And it assumes that we need to push children to become independent, by ignoring their requests for closeness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It also assumes that we shouldn\u2019t complain that we do it all alone. As older generations point out, when they had young children, paid parental leave, childcare subsidies, and flexible work arrangements were absent or less extensive than they are today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, by comparison we have it easy (or so the logic goes).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is normal in our society.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which simply means it is what most people do<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But being normal<\/em> is not the same as natural<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To be normal doesn\u2019t necessarily mean it is right or healthy for the parties involved. It doesn\u2019t even necessarily mean that it results in the desired outcomes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, it used to be normal<\/em> (and in the US not against the law until 1993) for a husband to beat his wife. And in North America, it was the<\/em> norm<\/em> to take indigenous children from their parents and force them into residential schools (or American Indian boarding schools) until the late 20th<\/sup> century.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These norms had devastating effects on the people being mistreated and abused.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And what we consider to be normal parenting today, too, has devastating effects on children and parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Increasing numbers of children are grappling with depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges. Similarly, parents are frequently stressed and overwhelmed, struggling to stay calm in the heat of the moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However normal it may be, this is not a natural aspect of parenting; rather, it\u2019s a product of our contemporary environment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Natural Parenting<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When we look at hunter gather tribes, the way we have lived for most of our human history, we see a very different picture:<\/p>\n\n\n\n