By Oboghene J. J.

It is clearly noticed that no two closely related individuals act and behave alike. There are always distinguishing characteristics, that affects, the way they think, act, take decision, solve problems and the list goes on. One of the distinguishing characteristics of these differences is temperament. Temperament affects every aspect of an individual including their relationship.

How an individual love and need to be loved is affected by temperament. Their actions and reactions in many instances in a relationship are rooted and influenced by temperament. So, it is of essence to know about your temperament, that of those around you, especially that of your spouse. It helps to maximize a partner’s potential, promote understanding, reduce stress, conflicts and improve lapses in the relationship.

As important as this is, most partners know nothing about their individual temperament.

There are four main temperaments, but an individual might have more than one of the temperament or a combination of some of the four.

1.  Sanguine

2. Choleric

3. Melancholy

4. Phlegmatic

If four individuals with the four different temperaments are asked, to define love, they will have different definitions because of the way they see and perceive love.

SANGUINE (World coolest people)

Common Traits

-They are naturally sweet mouthed.

– They are very good at saying kind and pleasant words.

-They are easy to please. Playing is a huge part of their personality, there are no dull moments with them.

-They talk to you as though they are in love with you, with a lot of hugs and pecks, but it is just normal for them.

-They talk a lot and love to be listened to and will often not keep quiet. They have a good sense of humour.

-They are often very romantic in nature but also with unstable emotions.

-They are very outgoing and like hanging out with their partner.

CHOLERIC (Godship, Power, Fame, Wealth And Influence)

Common Traits

-They are not the dating type; they don’t fancy it. Many are concerned about settling down when they are ready.

-Often, they don’t have a past record of relationships.

-They dislike opposition, often they just want you to do it as they want it.

-They are organized and go for what they want.

-They are not emotional because they don’t want to look weak and vulnerable.

-They don’t like to apologize but love appreciation.

– They are more faithful than sanguine because they are more given to work and career.

-They love household shores – washing, cleaning, cooking, etc.

-They are loyal and respectful.  

-Their sexuality is usually high.

MELANCHOLY (Work Oriented, Excellence, Smartness And Loneliness)

Common Traits

-They are faithful lovers, but hard to be in love. A minor weakness from a partner can be a reason for disqualification.

-When in love they give an undoubted trust, but once it is lost, it is very difficult to come back.

-They often suffer from insecurity and need constant assurance of love from their partners.

– Many nags and complain a lot, never overlooking the slightest mistake and hates unseriousness.

-They are often always yearning for a shoulder to cry on.

Advice:  When they are experiencing mood swings, it is normal, stay away but not too far. Make him or her know you are there whenever they need anything.

-They value quality time; try to give them enough attention.

-They like words of affirmations; say pleasant words to them often and reassure them of your love.

-They love physical contact that don’t necessarily lead to sex.

PHLEGMATIC (Peace Maker, Charitable And Fearful)

Common Traits

-They Love effortlessly. Their most important priority is that their partner would be happy, even if they are not, just to ensure peace.

-They are very sensitive and respect their partner’s decision.

-They are averse to conflict and would rather recoil or remain quiet.

-They give their partners latitude to work on shortcomings until they cannot take it anymore and then they quit.

-They have a lasting relationship not because it is a perfect relationship, but because of the fear of hurting someone, they rather pretend to be okay and keep tolerating misdemeanor.

– They are indecisive, always worried about what people will say and less about what they want.

Advice: Because of these traits, the best partner of a phlegmatic is a loving Choleric.

– They love sweet words; they love to be pampered.

– The Phlegmatic appreciates when their partner attends to their insecurities.

– They detest physical, verbal and emotional violence, and will shut off even when they still appear friendly.

– They greatly appreciate your acceptance of your fault and when you sincerely say, “I am sorry”.

–  They love physical touch. This is symbolic of your care, commitment and attention to them.

Why different temperament

Studies show that temperament is determined by brain stem processes. Each person has a unique brain stem that cannot change throughout their life.

Importance of studying temperaments

-To understand reasons behinds your partner’s responses, actions, and reactions.

-To give an explanation to all the whys.

-To give room for improvement in areas of weakness in the relationship.

-To utilize each others’ strengths most effectively.

-To allow the partners to accept each other for who they are.

-To make it easier to know the most compatible temperament for you.

Effects of temperament on relationship

The effects are numerous, and they include strife, friction, arguments, dissatisfaction, anger, nagging, low self-esteem, depression, divorce, etc.

How to know if your anger is associated to temperament

– Your partner seems wrong in the way he or she perceives things – “decent people wouldn’t see or do it that way”

-Your partner honestly does not get why you are annoyed.

-You are convinced that your way is the only right way.

-Compare your partner to others.

Remedy

-Be deliberate about studying your strengths and weakness and that of your partner.

-Understand how your temperament affects your life.

-Use this understanding to be true to yourself and your partner especially in resolving issues.

-Develop a more positive outlook about life and your relationship and put your strengths to work.

-Accept one another for who you are.

-Get solid achievable goals to fight the weakness in you.

-Use your understanding of temperament to improve your compatibility.

-If you cannot handle the conflicts that your temperament causes, seek the help of a therapist.