Wondering how you can strengthen your bond with your child? Here’s what to do.

By Mark Travers Ph.D.

Having a loving and healthy relationship with your child is one of life’s utmost joys. Not only does it make you feel good about yourself as a parent, but it also instills a sense of security in your child that will benefit them for their entire life.

Your child’s emotional connection with you ensures that they feel safe, supported, and understood.

If you’re looking for ways to strengthen your emotional bond with your child, here are three research-backed ways to go about it:

1. Play with your kids.

One of the best ways to bond with your kids is by having fun together. Children learn important life skills through play. Encourage them to work on good social skills and manners, such as learning how to accept defeat with grace, while you are having fun.

Research shows that children develop their attention spans, social skills, creativity, ability to process their emotions, and intellectual abilities through play. Play is often a quicker path to learning than having your child master esoteric cognitive skills that may not benefit them in their developmental stage.

Additionally, playing with your children provides them the chance to see you as an ally rather than an opponent who is constantly barking commands at them.

​​However, before committing to a play activity, be sure your youngster is genuinely interested in it. Enrolling children in extracurricular activities against their will can cause tension and power struggles within the family unit.

And, when introducing your child to a new play activity, make sure you choose the right time and place. Often, it’s the associations the child makes with an activity on his or her first try that will lead them to love it or leave it. For instance, if you want to get your child on skis for the first time, pick a sunny, mild day instead of a snowy, bitterly cold day.

2. Show an interest in their day.

It’s important to schedule events that bring families together to talk about how their day has been. Having regular family meals is one such way to go about it.

Research has found that children who have regular meals with their parents and family exhibit better health and eating habits; stronger mental, emotional, and social abilities; better behavior; and higher academic achievement.

For instance, one study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that the frequency of family meals was associated with positive moods in adolescents, as well as more positive views about the future.

Another way to go about this is to make room for such conversations during bedtime. It provides a great opportunity to catch up with your kids about their day. You can ask them questions that will prompt them to answer in detail, like these:

• “What was the best part of your day today?”
• “What was the funniest thing that happened today?”

3. Have high but realistic expectations.

Research has found that having high academic expectations of children can lead to better results in school and can help children persist longer at hard tasks. High expectations are also linked to social resilience.

However, it’s important to distinguish between high standards and perfection. Setting the bar too high can backfire as your child is likely to give up on their goals when overwhelmed. Therefore, challenge your child to do well but don’t push them beyond their limits.

In this regard, psychologists Martin Smith and Simon Sherry recommend the following to improve your parenting styles:

• Communicate to your child that you value them based not only on what they do but also on who they are.
• Be less controlling, critical, and overprotective of your children. Teach them to tolerate and learn from their mistakes. Emphasize hard work and discipline over the pursuit of perfection.
• Resist the urge to compare your child to other children. Make sure they know you are only pushing them to be the best version of themselves.

Mark Travers, Ph.D., is an American psychologist with degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder.

Originally published at Psychology Today