The recent increase in the reported cases of divorce among Nigerian celebrities has brought to the forefront the question of the necessity of marriage. Those who had bitter experiences are often quick to talk about the difficulties in marriage and why it is unnecessary. Many like Tonto Dikeh, Toke Makinwa, and Blessing Okoro are even called relationship experts by fraudulent journalists these days, giving them a platform to vent their rage and falsehood. You will never find a happy and successfully married man or woman denigrating the marriage institution. However, it is easy to take the side of the successful and ignore the conclusions of the unsuccessful in marriage. If we do this, we will not be helping ourselves. This is because if you are married presently or planning to marry in the future, it is better to learn from both sides. A friend of mine once complained years ago about the way her sister-in-law was treating her brother. I sympathized with her and told her this experience, though uncomplimentary was also teaching her, how not to treat a husband. The truth is that experience is a bad teacher. The best way to learn is to learn from the experience of others. The others can be our parents, siblings, extended family members, friends, or those in the news like the Nigerian celebrities who are presently having it rough in their marriages.

If you scrutinize the marriages of celebrities who are successful in their marriage from Denzel Washington to Joke Silva, Omotola Ojelade, and Omoni Iboli you can Mathematically deduce some constants. Top among them to me is mutual respect. This common attribute among successfully married couples is highly underrated and unreported. It is also the fulcrum with which all other relationships find their bearing to navigate the stormy waters of life. Within mutual respect is the acknowledgment of hierarchy and responsibility. Respect is earned, but the cultured man or woman will be respectful to whoever, especially their spouse regardless of their spouse earning it. Earning it is a welcomed bonus but not a prerequisite. Husbands are very high on respect, this need of men is both natural, religious, cultural, and psychological. Many “feminists” will disagree. But if they are sincere, they can trace the problems in their marriages to the issue of mutual respect where submission is integral.

Another lesson that can be seen in these successful marriages is that the men love their wives deeply and their respect for their wives extends into fidelity – making them faithful to their wives even when they become very wealthy. But there is a new trend. The modern woman seems to want more, from sex to money and attention. Mothers of old were easily satisfied or can modify their expectations to what their husbands can readily give. Many of today’s women feel they have options until they experience the unsatisfying life outside their matrimonial home. Today’s men also feel they can do all things, including getting someone younger until real old age sets in and they are helplessly miserable. Marriage as practiced by many remarkable species in wildlife is for life. And it is like a garden. All beautiful gardens are a product of planting, weeding, watering, and replanting. A similar strategy can be applied to marriage.

Ata Ukuta – Editor, Towncryyers